I too have dreams. I know I am not a child of a lesser God.
I have dreams, I dream of a big belly, double chin and a fat account to boot. I
dream of a nice, fat, distended pot belly. The kind of potbelly that is always
threatening to rip open my shirt buttons. I need a pot belly that will balloon
at the same rate with the national debt. That is the kind of pot belly I dream
about. There is pleasure in having a pot
belly, every time I will be seated with my less fortunate tribesmen, I will
keep massaging my pot belly. I will enjoy the pleasurable sensation of
massaging my potbelly as I sooth the drumsticks I ate the previous night. My
phone will ring, and as my PA hands it over, I will be leaning back in my
chair, throw my head back and while leisurely massaging my beloved potbelly, I
will proceed to talk to whoever is calling for the next pot belly hour.
I dream of a double chin too. The kind of fat, double
chinned neck that shows all markings of success. I need a double chin that will
keep the new wife I will marry busy. A man of my status needs a contingent of
young wives to keep him young.
However, before I can actualize this dream, my brothers we
must have a one on one. My brothers, those people have been eating, they have
been stealing, it is about time our tribe produced a great leader. It is time,
it is our time to eat. When I am elected, I will steal the same way they have
been stealing, I will grow rich too. My brothers, the good thing is, when I
grow rich, you grow rich too, I will build a mansion to behold, and then you
can take photos of my wives and kids fighting in the rooftop swimming pool then
post them on instagram and facebook. You will have a chance to get back to
those people who have always insulted you. Those mean people who have always
rubbed the poverty prevalent in our region on your faces. You will tag them in
that photo of my wives and children fighting on the roof top swimming pool as
proof of the fruits of devolution.
My, people, I am truly tired of the quacks in our public
hospitals. I want to be certain that, in case I cannot sleep because of
flatulence, or any member of my house is affected by constant flatulence, we
will be flown to a far off land for medication. To deal with a case of wealth
induced flatulence, you require doctors who are used to handling such cases.
Our doctors are used to handling minor issues like kwashiorkor,marasmus,
malaria, malnutrion etc diseases of the poor man. Flatulence is a disease of
opulence. I would really like the certainty that, when it strikes, for it most
certainly will, I will be flown to a distant country for proper medication.
My brothers, we are not children of a lesser God, at least
one of us should have a pot belly and a double chin, and that person is me!
