Thursday, 3 November 2016

DICKIE THE DICK Dicky was always a horny boy. If the nurses at the delivery room at the time of his birth were keen, or had the government issued forms allowed it, the section marked for sex in the form would have read not the normal male or female we are used to, but horny. It is the norm that when newborns land in this callous planet called earth, they should cry. Some of them do it out of their own volition but others have to be spanked for them to break into that soothing spell of crying. After crushing his mother’s vitals with his big head and closed eyes, Dicky announced his arrival in a spectacular way. Instead of splitting the air with a blood curdling yell laced with shock and despair, he declared his arrival with a hard on. The tiny 3.1 kilogramme of flesh, bones and the devil knows what else projected a missile of a ‘willie’ pointing to compass point P**** as a sign that he was not a case of still birth. If only the nurses were keen that day, they would most definitely have added a disclaimer in Dicky’s birth certificate or notification of birth slip depending on what was available after senior government officials had looted funds meant for the procreation ministry. The disclaimer would have read: We hereby release from our labour ward what we believe would be a famous explorer of feminine anatomy armed with a p**** and ‘B88b’ seeking missile. Handle it with utmost caution. Dicky had a claw hammer shaped head and a set of G- Clamps for his ears. By the age of eighteen, his charcoal black face was accentuated with a pattern on of countless pimples, black heads and a holy communion of ugliness. I suspect that at the time of his conception his mother was high on a dose of hate and loathing. The night he was conceived, the male who sired him, so to speak, must have accidentally stumbled upon eve’s apple in a state of sheer hate for mankind and unfathomable despise for the human race. Dicky had a face only a mother could love yet he terrorized the village girls and women with wild abandon. What the creator-if such a being exists- had denied him in his looks was compensated in his wit. His repertoire of humour was encyclopedial. What about his hardworking nature? When it came to tasking manual work, he was a bulldozer, fork lift and cranes cobbled into one fit of unlovable ugliness. It is these elements of muscle power, sharp wit and humour that the village women found irresistible. Dicky, the village Casanova, Don Juan, Romeo and the official village chief cockerel was requested by Mariam to assist chain her heifer that was on heat. The said heifer had broken two ropes already as it sought what Dicky, (had he been a bull) would have given her in great relish. Mariam, as I think about the incident now, I tend to visualize how she bore an uncanny resemblance to a ‘black maria’ Mariam was not the kind of beauty one would speak of after meeting her. She was a mammoth woman blessed in a very beautiful way blessed with a bosom that could be hit with a rocket propelled grenade and live to tell the tale. From her shoulders, chunky trunks protruded and proceeded to dangle in an awkward attempt to complete the inevitable semblance of arms and ended up creating hands. In a land that once existed between her chest and hips, now resided a colony of a protrusion that seemed to be on the verge of bursting. Was it a stomach? Mariam, yes that Mariam. *********** That afternoon, Dicky split the firewood as requested by Mariam. Hell knows or attests to the fact that he was a good boy. I opt not to delve into the facts of what transpired between Dicky splitting fire wood and splitting Mariam’s apple. ************ They were joined in a coital union sowing the seeds of sin in the banana farm behind her house. Dicky the explorer (he who was born with a phallus pointing at compass point p****) and Mariam, she who bore the least semblance to an amoeba it terms of her figure, rode the waves to heaven and hell. The banana leaves above them fanned them into an open air- air conditioned fantastical world. Dicky was not only an explorer but also a miner. He drilled tirelessly as he sought all minerals in Mariam. I guess that he discovered an iron ore mine in her, for I truly suspect that is what all hoes have to offer. The tide of emotion that had ebbed the previous dusk rose. With it, it brought a monstrous gale of desire and lust. Dicky explored the lands. Mariam was born equipped with powerful set of lungs. As Dicky pleasured her, she worshipped, begged and even eulogized her great grandmother. The banana plants around them bristled in their own way as the duo devoured the apple .It was cool, it was serene and it was enchanting ecstasy. Mariam’s screams and moans set the jet on auto pilot. They let go! As she cruised at a height of 10,000 kilometers, heading for cloud nine, she all but forgot her husband’s lunch hour. ********* Returning from his shamba, her husband was attracted by the screams. His panga on the ready, thinking that his beloved Mariam was in mortal danger, he dashed to the shamba. In his mind, in the short seconds that fleeted past, he thought that his beloved Mariam was entangled in the death kiss of a python. His badly torn shirt training behind him trying to keep up with his calico patched pair of what was once a semblance of a trouser, he tore through the shamba. Thorns pricking places between his legs were ignored. His panga held high in a scepter like fashion, he crashed into a scene of illicit cerebration between his beloved Mariam and Dicky. Wild anger ensued. Insanity. Yells. Screams. ***** Very soon I will make sure that I visit Dicky. I hope his wounds won’t fester

DICKIE THE DICK
Dicky was always a horny boy. If the nurses at the delivery room at the time of his birth were keen, or had the government issued forms allowed it, the section marked for sex in the form would have read not the normal male or female we are used to, but horny. It is the norm that when newborns land in this callous planet called earth, they should cry. Some of them do it out of their own volition but others have to be spanked for them to break into that soothing spell of crying.
 After crushing his mother’s vitals with his big head and closed eyes, Dicky announced his arrival in a spectacular way.  Instead of splitting the air with a blood curdling yell laced with shock and despair, he declared his arrival with a hard on. The tiny 3.1 kilogramme of flesh, bones and the devil knows what else projected a missile of a ‘willie’ pointing to compass point P**** as a sign that he was not a case of still birth. If only the nurses were keen that day, they would most definitely have added a disclaimer in Dicky’s birth certificate or notification of birth slip depending on what was available after senior government officials had looted funds meant for the procreation ministry. The disclaimer would have read: We hereby release from our labour ward what we believe would be a famous explorer of feminine anatomy armed with a p**** and ‘B88b’ seeking missile. Handle it with utmost caution.
Dicky had a claw hammer shaped head and a set of G- Clamps for his ears. By the age of eighteen, his charcoal black face was accentuated with a pattern on of countless pimples, black heads and a holy communion of ugliness. I suspect that at the time of his conception his mother was high on a dose of hate and loathing. The night he was conceived, the male who sired him, so to speak, must have accidentally stumbled upon eve’s apple in a state of sheer hate for mankind and unfathomable despise for the human race.   Dicky had a face only a mother could love yet he terrorized the village girls and women with wild abandon. What the creator-if such a being exists- had denied him in his looks was compensated in his wit.  His repertoire of humour was encyclopedial. What about his hardworking nature? When it came to tasking manual work, he was a bulldozer, fork lift and cranes cobbled into one fit of unlovable ugliness. It is these elements of muscle power, sharp wit and humour that the village women found irresistible.
Dicky, the village Casanova, Don Juan, Romeo and the official village chief cockerel was requested by Mariam to assist chain her heifer that was on heat. The said heifer had broken two ropes already as it sought what Dicky, (had he been a bull) would have given her in great relish.   Mariam, as I think about the incident now, I tend to visualize how she bore an uncanny resemblance to a ‘black maria’
Mariam was not the kind of beauty one would speak of after meeting her. She was a mammoth woman blessed in a very beautiful way blessed with a bosom that could be hit with a rocket propelled grenade and live to tell the tale. From her shoulders, chunky trunks protruded and proceeded to dangle in an awkward attempt to complete the inevitable semblance of arms and ended up creating hands. In a land that once existed between her chest and hips, now resided a colony of a protrusion that seemed to be on the verge of bursting. Was it a stomach? Mariam, yes that Mariam.
***********
That afternoon, Dicky split the firewood as requested by Mariam. Hell knows or attests to the fact that he was a good boy. I opt not to delve into the facts of what transpired between Dicky splitting fire wood and splitting Mariam’s apple.
************
They were joined in a coital union sowing the seeds of sin in the banana farm behind her house. Dicky the explorer (he who was born with a phallus pointing at compass point p****) and Mariam, she who bore the least semblance to an amoeba it terms of her figure, rode the waves to heaven and hell. The banana leaves above them fanned them into an open air- air conditioned fantastical world. Dicky was not only an explorer but also a miner. He drilled tirelessly as he sought all minerals in Mariam. I guess that he discovered an iron ore mine in her, for I truly suspect that is what all hoes have to offer.  The tide of emotion that had ebbed the previous dusk rose. With it, it brought a monstrous gale of desire and lust. Dicky explored the lands.
Mariam was born equipped with powerful set of lungs. As Dicky pleasured her, she worshipped, begged and even eulogized her great grandmother.  The banana plants around them bristled in their own way as the duo devoured the apple .It was cool, it was serene and it was enchanting ecstasy. Mariam’s screams and moans set the jet on auto pilot. They let go!  As she cruised at a height of 10,000 kilometers, heading for cloud nine, she all but forgot her husband’s lunch hour.
*********
Returning from his shamba, her husband was attracted by the screams. His panga on the ready, thinking that his beloved Mariam was in mortal danger, he dashed to the shamba. In his mind, in the short seconds that fleeted past, he thought that his beloved Mariam was entangled in the death kiss of a python.  His badly torn shirt training behind him trying to keep up with his calico patched pair of what was once a semblance of a trouser, he tore through the shamba.  Thorns pricking places between his legs were ignored. His panga held high in a scepter like fashion, he crashed into a scene of illicit cerebration between his beloved Mariam and Dicky. Wild anger ensued. Insanity. Yells. Screams.
*****
Very soon I will make sure that I visit Dicky.
I hope his wounds won’t fester


DICKIE THE DICK Dicky was always a horny boy. If the nurses at the delivery room at the time of his birth were keen, or had the government issued forms allowed it, the section marked for sex in the form would have read not the normal male or female we are used to, but horny. It is the norm that when newborns land in this callous planet called earth, they should cry. Some of them do it out of their own volition but others have to be spanked for them to break into that soothing spell of crying. After crushing his mother’s vitals with his big head and closed eyes, Dicky announced his arrival in a spectacular way. Instead of splitting the air with a blood curdling yell laced with shock and despair, he declared his arrival with a hard on. The tiny 3.1 kilogramme of flesh, bones and the devil knows what else projected a missile of a ‘willie’ pointing to compass point P**** as a sign that he was not a case of still birth. If only the nurses were keen that day, they would most definitely have added a disclaimer in Dicky’s birth certificate or notification of birth slip depending on what was available after senior government officials had looted funds meant for the procreation ministry. The disclaimer would have read: We hereby release from our labour ward what we believe would be a famous explorer of feminine anatomy armed with a p**** and ‘B88b’ seeking missile. Handle it with utmost caution. Dicky had a claw hammer shaped head and a set of G- Clamps for his ears. By the age of eighteen, his charcoal black face was accentuated with a pattern on of countless pimples, black heads and a holy communion of ugliness. I suspect that at the time of his conception his mother was high on a dose of hate and loathing. The night he was conceived, the male who sired him, so to speak, must have accidentally stumbled upon eve’s apple in a state of sheer hate for mankind and unfathomable despise for the human race. Dicky had a face only a mother could love yet he terrorized the village girls and women with wild abandon. What the creator-if such a being exists- had denied him in his looks was compensated in his wit. His repertoire of humour was encyclopedial. What about his hardworking nature? When it came to tasking manual work, he was a bulldozer, fork lift and cranes cobbled into one fit of unlovable ugliness. It is these elements of muscle power, sharp wit and humour that the village women found irresistible. Dicky, the village Casanova, Don Juan, Romeo and the official village chief cockerel was requested by Mariam to assist chain her heifer that was on heat. The said heifer had broken two ropes already as it sought what Dicky, (had he been a bull) would have given her in great relish. Mariam, as I think about the incident now, I tend to visualize how she bore an uncanny resemblance to a ‘black maria’ Mariam was not the kind of beauty one would speak of after meeting her. She was a mammoth woman blessed in a very beautiful way blessed with a bosom that could be hit with a rocket propelled grenade and live to tell the tale. From her shoulders, chunky trunks protruded and proceeded to dangle in an awkward attempt to complete the inevitable semblance of arms and ended up creating hands. In a land that once existed between her chest and hips, now resided a colony of a protrusion that seemed to be on the verge of bursting. Was it a stomach? Mariam, yes that Mariam. *********** That afternoon, Dicky split the firewood as requested by Mariam. Hell knows or attests to the fact that he was a good boy. I opt not to delve into the facts of what transpired between Dicky splitting fire wood and splitting Mariam’s apple. ************ They were joined in a coital union sowing the seeds of sin in the banana farm behind her house. Dicky the explorer (he who was born with a phallus pointing at compass point p****) and Mariam, she who bore the least semblance to an amoeba it terms of her figure, rode the waves to heaven and hell. The banana leaves above them fanned them into an open air- air conditioned fantastical world. Dicky was not only an explorer but also a miner. He drilled tirelessly as he sought all minerals in Mariam. I guess that he discovered an iron ore mine in her, for I truly suspect that is what all hoes have to offer. The tide of emotion that had ebbed the previous dusk rose. With it, it brought a monstrous gale of desire and lust. Dicky explored the lands. Mariam was born equipped with powerful set of lungs. As Dicky pleasured her, she worshipped, begged and even eulogized her great grandmother. The banana plants around them bristled in their own way as the duo devoured the apple .It was cool, it was serene and it was enchanting ecstasy. Mariam’s screams and moans set the jet on auto pilot. They let go! As she cruised at a height of 10,000 kilometers, heading for cloud nine, she all but forgot her husband’s lunch hour. ********* Returning from his shamba, her husband was attracted by the screams. His panga on the ready, thinking that his beloved Mariam was in mortal danger, he dashed to the shamba. In his mind, in the short seconds that fleeted past, he thought that his beloved Mariam was entangled in the death kiss of a python. His badly torn shirt training behind him trying to keep up with his calico patched pair of what was once a semblance of a trouser, he tore through the shamba. Thorns pricking places between his legs were ignored. His panga held high in a scepter like fashion, he crashed into a scene of illicit cerebration between his beloved Mariam and Dicky. Wild anger ensued. Insanity. Yells. Screams. ***** Very soon I will make sure that I visit Dicky. I hope his wounds won’t fester

DICKIE THE DICK
Dicky was always a horny boy. If the nurses at the delivery room at the time of his birth were keen, or had the government issued forms allowed it, the section marked for sex in the form would have read not the normal male or female we are used to, but horny. It is the norm that when newborns land in this callous planet called earth, they should cry. Some of them do it out of their own volition but others have to be spanked for them to break into that soothing spell of crying.
 After crushing his mother’s vitals with his big head and closed eyes, Dicky announced his arrival in a spectacular way.  Instead of splitting the air with a blood curdling yell laced with shock and despair, he declared his arrival with a hard on. The tiny 3.1 kilogramme of flesh, bones and the devil knows what else projected a missile of a ‘willie’ pointing to compass point P**** as a sign that he was not a case of still birth. If only the nurses were keen that day, they would most definitely have added a disclaimer in Dicky’s birth certificate or notification of birth slip depending on what was available after senior government officials had looted funds meant for the procreation ministry. The disclaimer would have read: We hereby release from our labour ward what we believe would be a famous explorer of feminine anatomy armed with a p**** and ‘B88b’ seeking missile. Handle it with utmost caution.
Dicky had a claw hammer shaped head and a set of G- Clamps for his ears. By the age of eighteen, his charcoal black face was accentuated with a pattern on of countless pimples, black heads and a holy communion of ugliness. I suspect that at the time of his conception his mother was high on a dose of hate and loathing. The night he was conceived, the male who sired him, so to speak, must have accidentally stumbled upon eve’s apple in a state of sheer hate for mankind and unfathomable despise for the human race.   Dicky had a face only a mother could love yet he terrorized the village girls and women with wild abandon. What the creator-if such a being exists- had denied him in his looks was compensated in his wit.  His repertoire of humour was encyclopedial. What about his hardworking nature? When it came to tasking manual work, he was a bulldozer, fork lift and cranes cobbled into one fit of unlovable ugliness. It is these elements of muscle power, sharp wit and humour that the village women found irresistible.
Dicky, the village Casanova, Don Juan, Romeo and the official village chief cockerel was requested by Mariam to assist chain her heifer that was on heat. The said heifer had broken two ropes already as it sought what Dicky, (had he been a bull) would have given her in great relish.   Mariam, as I think about the incident now, I tend to visualize how she bore an uncanny resemblance to a ‘black maria’
Mariam was not the kind of beauty one would speak of after meeting her. She was a mammoth woman blessed in a very beautiful way blessed with a bosom that could be hit with a rocket propelled grenade and live to tell the tale. From her shoulders, chunky trunks protruded and proceeded to dangle in an awkward attempt to complete the inevitable semblance of arms and ended up creating hands. In a land that once existed between her chest and hips, now resided a colony of a protrusion that seemed to be on the verge of bursting. Was it a stomach? Mariam, yes that Mariam.
***********
That afternoon, Dicky split the firewood as requested by Mariam. Hell knows or attests to the fact that he was a good boy. I opt not to delve into the facts of what transpired between Dicky splitting fire wood and splitting Mariam’s apple.
************
They were joined in a coital union sowing the seeds of sin in the banana farm behind her house. Dicky the explorer (he who was born with a phallus pointing at compass point p****) and Mariam, she who bore the least semblance to an amoeba it terms of her figure, rode the waves to heaven and hell. The banana leaves above them fanned them into an open air- air conditioned fantastical world. Dicky was not only an explorer but also a miner. He drilled tirelessly as he sought all minerals in Mariam. I guess that he discovered an iron ore mine in her, for I truly suspect that is what all hoes have to offer.  The tide of emotion that had ebbed the previous dusk rose. With it, it brought a monstrous gale of desire and lust. Dicky explored the lands.
Mariam was born equipped with powerful set of lungs. As Dicky pleasured her, she worshipped, begged and even eulogized her great grandmother.  The banana plants around them bristled in their own way as the duo devoured the apple .It was cool, it was serene and it was enchanting ecstasy. Mariam’s screams and moans set the jet on auto pilot. They let go!  As she cruised at a height of 10,000 kilometers, heading for cloud nine, she all but forgot her husband’s lunch hour.
*********
Returning from his shamba, her husband was attracted by the screams. His panga on the ready, thinking that his beloved Mariam was in mortal danger, he dashed to the shamba. In his mind, in the short seconds that fleeted past, he thought that his beloved Mariam was entangled in the death kiss of a python.  His badly torn shirt training behind him trying to keep up with his calico patched pair of what was once a semblance of a trouser, he tore through the shamba.  Thorns pricking places between his legs were ignored. His panga held high in a scepter like fashion, he crashed into a scene of illicit cerebration between his beloved Mariam and Dicky. Wild anger ensued. Insanity. Yells. Screams.
*****
Very soon I will make sure that I visit Dicky.
I hope his wounds won’t fester


Wednesday, 2 November 2016

IN MY YOUNGER DAYS-- CHILDHOOD MEMORIES

IN MY YOUNGER DAYS
My story could not have happened elsewhere but Nunguni. Nunguni, that small rural town perched at the top of Kilungu hills in Makueni County still remains deeply etched in my memory. Yes, deep at the heart of the semi-arid Makueni sits a very cold place called Nunguni.
I have memories of the eucalyptus trees, the cold weather, the hills, streams and the manual work. I remember my grandmother, those many years ago holding my tiny hand as we walked to the shopping centre. She was very strong then before age started crawling upon her. I always admired her as she ascended the hills, a heavy load of napier grass on her back. As we walked to the shopping centre I was very excited for a new dawn was breaking in my life. She had told me the previous day that the time had come for me to join nursery school. I was elated for that marked the beginning of a new journey. That day, when we got to the small market called Nunguni, I got my first pair of green shorts, white shirt and a green sweater. It was full school uniform to match my pair of ‘Bata bullet’ canvas shoes. To quote Dolly Parton as she expressed in her song, coat of many colours, clothes that I was proud of. Years later, I reminisce of that day in nostalgia. I remember the evenings she would keep pushing me to learn my numbers or the alphabet. My cousins would be in a different house studying or doing their homework. We used to call it ‘nyumba ila nene’  (main house. It was just a simple mud walled; cement plastered three room affair with dark green iron sheets for a roof that served as our lodgings.) In the evening, my grandmother would scoop ash from the fire place, level it nicely and create a perfect slate for me to write on using a small stick that she would sharpen to create a perfect stylus. Leading by example, she would proceed to write, 1, and 2 and then encourage me to proceed. It was only years later that I learnt that she was illiterate and could not write beyond those two numbers.She had a favourite saying that she used without fail when irked , “ noou ndaasoma. Keka ninasomie nguisya ou ngona maa maku.” (lucky you I am illiterate. Had I gone to school I would be able to see through your skin)
My grandmother’s generation belonged to a different era. Her’s, was generation born in the 1930’s when Kenya was sweltering and labouring under the yoke of ukoloni (colonial Kenya.) When not busy perfecting my numbers and alphabet skills, she would dazzle me with her stories. Her stories  would pick me up and fly me to the fascinating imaginary world she fashioned with her tales. That was Akamba folklore at its best. She could tell the same story many times but every time she retold it, she breathed fresh life into the story adding a new twist every turn. My grandmother’s stories left a lasting mark on me. One particular story I would never forget is the story of  mutui na yiimu (the blacksmith and the ogre. (I retold the story in my own words, in a foreign language a year ago. (see the link … http://stankyenze.blogspot.co.ke/2016/07/the-blacksmith-and-ogre-kamba-narrative.html    )  She would add a new song, new proverbs or sayings, create  new characters etc. If not telling those wonderful stories, she would break into a captivating mwali ( chanting.)
My grandmother was a master story teller. She was not the daughter of chief Maithya for nothing. I would sit at the edge of my chair spellbound as she narrated how the Akamba perfected and used the art of witch craft. In the same breath she would elevate me to a lofty place as she narrated how she underwent her catechism. Yuliana (Juliana- for that was her baptismal name) was a fervent catholic. She was devoted, truly devoted to the extent that, we had to attend a catholic primary school which was about one hours walk from our village yet there was an AIC sponsored primary school nearby.
My grandmother, widowed at a very young age, was very close to her siblings. However, she was very particularly attached to one elder brother- Kiendi. I cherish memories of how my cousins and I would be dispatched to Kauti (her maternal home) on a Saturday or Sunday Monday morning to visit him.  We would spend the day with him as he awed us with Kamba narratives and chanting. Occasionally, she would pack a bottle or two of beer to be delivered to the old man. She knew that the alcohol would bring out the artist in her brother. Now, as I look back, I realize that I did not learn my writing entirely in class or from the numerous novels I read. I had two artists who initiated me into the Kamba oral literature genre!

As I grew older, the boy in me started developing. My childhood stories are the stuff that only those who grew up upcountry would really understand. The games we played were innovative and exciting. They would range from playing football using a ball fashioned out of nylon papers strung together with sisal strings, to playing hide and seek in the evening. One particular game I cannot forget was sliding. Basically, the game involved a plastic container and the mercy of Kilungu hills. Nunguni is a hilly place. We would go to a nearby forest, a forest whose bed was lined with slippery, dry eucalyptus tree leaves and God knows what else. Tree stumps were the highway signage. Once at the crest of the hill, we would sit on our containers and insanely cruise down the hills masterfully navigating the route avoiding the trees, tree stumps and whatever other weapon the devil had devised against our butts. As I reflect on this crazy game,  I really thank the powers that be that, in all the generations that have played this game, for it was handed down from one generation to another, nobody has ever lost his member to a tree stump. I confidently vouch for this game as one of the safest risky sports available to a country boy/girl. So the population will keep growing.
Diving in the river was the ultimate excitement. Whenever we could escape our parents’ watchful eyes, we dashed to the river. We always brought water containers with us for it had to appear that we were attending to our water fetching chores. The rivers varied in size and challenge. The nearby stream was like a baby pool for the beginners. As we grew older and bolder, just like the generations of river swimmers ahead of us, for this was a sport handed down from one generation to the next, mutundu river and Ivoloto rivers welcomed us to their realm.  Mutundu was bigger than the nearby stream but ivoloto was the real test. It was a river that attracted boys from different villages as well separating ‘men’ from boys. The events at ivoloto river were not impromptu or random. It took meticulous planning among the boys of the different villages. A day would be set for the sporting gala.
As a matter of fact, like all rural bred boys, we had chores to attend to. However, collecting firewood was the most time consuming task. To deal with this challenge, we would ensure that we collected firewood the day before the ivoloto river challenge. We would hide the same in the nearby napier grass farms happy that the following day would be an ivoloto swimming day. The firewood had to be hidden carefully, for there were (they are always there in every group of youngsters) some lazy bones who would pilfer your firewood without a second thought. On the big day, the band of bandits would troop to ivoloto river. Excitement would be in the very air we breathed. Anxiety and excitement would  colour the afternoon so thickly that you could mine a slice of it off the air, fashion a knife out of it and use it to cut your sugar cane into smaller pieces. Yes of course, sugar cane that we would steal from Mzee Salim Manga’s farm. Make no mistake, Salim was not of coastal descent. It is only that he had lived in Mombasa some years earlier and when he came back to Nunguni (for almost everyone goes back) he preferred to be called Salim. He was the mzee next door who spoke impeccable Swahili and crooned beautiful Swahili music. One of his favourite tunes was Kolola by the Kenyan band them mushrooms.
Remember the song?
Mzee manga’s love for the coast was so unwavering to the extent that he gave some of his extensive progeny names you would not usually come across at Nunguni or within the Kikamba language. The fruit of his nightly haunts and hard labour with his wife produced a family register that read something like, Abdalla,  Abdulla, Ishmael,  Zainabu, Rashid etc. though there was a Ngina named after Mama Ngina Kenyatta (mama wa taifa),  Kenya’s first lady at the dawn of  Kenya’s independence in 1963 or so I tend to think. The naming of Ngina could as well have been inspired the Mama Ngina drive in Mombasa. There was also in that register, William, who I strongly believe was named not after the famous American Musician Don Williams but by Fadhilli William Mdawida, the musician. He who is reputed to have recorded the song ‘Malaika’ Mzee manga had captivating tales of his exploits as a young hot blooded Mkamba holed up at the coast. Once he imbibed his tipple, which basically was kaluvu that he made from his bedroom distillery. Kaluvu ,a brew that had ngonyoo (sugarcane juice) honey and water as its core ingredients. Muatine (gotten from African sausage tree) was used to hasten the fermentation process. A potent nutritious brew it was. No wonder in local parlance when you are invited for a drink and you opt not to partake of the ‘holy communion’ that day (drink), you simply say, ninanikite miatine. (today I am not drinking).
Manga would relate to a wide eyed audience his misadventures as a jail bird at Manyani maximum security prison. He however never revealed the crime he had committed. He would speak of the paltry rations and how emaciated he becamewhile locked up at Manyani. So skinny that his protruding coccyx broke the cement floor of his favourite prison cell spot at Manyani maximum security prison and sunk a hole. He would say in his impeccable Swahili, “Mwanagu maisha gerezani sio mchezo.(my child, prison life is challenging) before breaking into Kikamba, “Yii, Namosete Ngaumya Kyathu!”(I was very skinny to an extend that my coccyx was protruding) On other days, in his jovial inebriated condition, he would, with a distant look, his eyes glazed with kaluvu relate of the time after his incarceration. A time he felt that he was ready for adventure in distant lands, a time when he stole his way into a ship. Unfortunately, Salim Manga (as he had christened himself and preferred to be called), the stow away was discovered before the ship set sail.

It was from this Mzee Manga’s farm that we stole sugarcane as we marched to Ivoloto river. By the way, the name Ivoloto, meaning drop, came about because it had miniature waterfall. The fall was high by all scientific, religious, traditional or wizardry standards. The tale of a man who had committed suicide (for suicide was rare, a taboo frowned upon in the community) at ivoloto still warmed many a fear mongers lips. Over and above his chosen name, we, the boys, further nicknamed  Salim Manga ,Mtangazaji (news anchor). The choice of nickname was a no brainer. It was a name  inspired by a famous journalist, a football commentator and a maestro who worked for KBC (Kenya Broadcasting Corporation) for many years; Ali salim Manga. Munching away with wild abandon the stolen sugarcane, the glucose fuelling our bodies, we would match to Ivoloto River.
The sight of Ivoloto falls was always breathtaking no matter how many times one had visited the river.  Beautifully moulded imposing rocks and torrents of water gushing from betwixt their spread legs, the long drop of the silvery shiny water from the top of the fall and the thunderous crash as it landed on the rocks below. Gigantic trees lined its banks forming a perfect wall of a natural security fence. The reeds swayed, twisted and danced to the musical rhythm of the wind. We regaled as water sprayed on our young faces.  One after the other, from the surrounding villages, the boys would troop in, excited and their adventure hormones coursing through them. To take part in this affair one had to belong to a certain age group or having had undergone the all-important rite of passage. This I highlight with no intension whatsoever to prejudice anyone against any particular community for I very well understand the diversity of mankind. The rite of passage that earned one a spot in the team of bandits who swam at Ivoloto was circumcision. The idea of exposing a  ‘willie’, tiny or big, with its dark wrinkled  uncut fore skin among the bandits of ivoloto river was pedestalled on the realms of taboo.
Once all the bandits of Ivoloto river arrived, it was time to change to the official uniform. The uniform changing process was a simple affair that involved stripping down to beauty of Adam and Eve’s garden of Eden. The only acceptable sportswear was a birthday suit. The excitement was sparked by the idea of the grand slide. The slide was God’s gift to the boys. Years of water coursing over the Ivoloto river rocks had borne a perfect slippery surface of green moss. We would gingerly walk to the top of the slide, sit our bare butts in all the glory of their blackness and let go. The slide was smooth on the butt, bumpy on the body and a drug to our blood. It would be the push, shhhh, slide, bump one (this were basin like depressions on the rocks).As we manourved the bumps, we would literary be hoisted in the air then propelled to the next stage of the course, shhhhhh, slide, bump two. Adrenaline coursing through our bodies, wild, excited screaming reeling off our young lungs we would go through the course until with a big splash, we landed in the pond designed by nature. Ivoloto river challenge was the ball. To spice up the excitement, a wild bandit- long before we were born- had designed the ivoloto river pond rush. This entailed a group of at least five boys converging at the start of the slide course then one after the other, swiftly going through the ‘obstacle course’ with the excitement being landing on top of each other in the pond situated at the bottom of the course. Oh,my  ivoloto river days.
As I reminisce of my days at Nunguni, there is one event that shook me to the marrow. From that day, up to date, I have never taken part in the Ivoloto river challenge. On that day, one of the bandits threw caution to the wind or accidentally missed a step. I am not certain what exactly happened. He was a strong built lad, apparently quite big for his age. As he ascended to the top of the slide, he made a mistake or misstep- whatever case may be- and stepped on the slippery rocks. The boy lost his balance and landed face first on the rocks. It was part of our socialization that, once you faced such a scenario or any other embarrassing incident, you should stand up, dust yourself and laugh it off. The boy stood up very fast and started laughing. We joined him but immediately froze. Two of his front teeth were missing. He had lost his teeth on the slippery rocks of ivoloto river. The games were cancelled pronto. To summarize the whole event, the whipping I received today still makes me cringe. That evening, my grandmother unleashed the tiger in her. It was terrible, it was painful. I was a terrible loving whipping I got that day…….


TO BE CONTINUED…

·         Imili is a traditional Kamba machine used to crash sugarcane to extract its juice. Got its name from the process that is involved in crashing sugarcane. Twisting the sugarcane to extract the juice)
·         inanikite miatine.  The expression comes from the process of brewing Kaluvu. Once the brew is ready, The,  miatine used to ferment it are dried before the next cycle of brewing.
·         Kaluvu – traditional Kamba brew



















Tuesday, 1 November 2016

KIVUVA OPENS THE GATE. PART 3

Kivuva opened the gate
Kivuva is a man of ‘God’ He understood that Maria- she of calloused palms- needed kufunguliwa njia.  Kivuva is an ardent pursuer of enlightenment. He was a man devoted to break all barriers. Kivuva was an unrelenting believer in the light. He had an unshakable conviction that he could open Maria’s path to the culmination of marital bliss. Marital bliss illuminated by one big ‘O’ after ‘another big O’. Maria-she of the calloused palms- drove him crazy. Encounter after encounter, Maria Kept blessing him with joy and the miracle of excitement.
Had Kivuva kept a journal, it would have been the very testimony against him the moment he appeared before Saint Peter. Now, that would have been a very serious issue for he held entrance into the pearl gates in great awe.  While asleep or awake he dreamt of the golden streets and winged angels.  He dreamt of times he would serve in the heavenly kitchen. Kivuva was a man of ‘God.’
The encounters increased by the day. Maria- she of the calloused arms – had tasted and grown attached to the man of ‘God.’  A times it would be by the banana grove behind the pastors house. A times, they preached the gospel of illicit union leant against the lectern. It was bliss, it was wow. Kivuva our pastor loved this kufungua njia missions. He literary loved them. Whenever he sat preparing his sermon, she was always there. Maria was not to be left behind, Maria- she of the calloused palms- dreamt of their meetings. It was an obsession, it was sick, it was raw, it was life. Kivuva had it all. The word was roger!

Something to silence the village busybodies happened. Maria, the barren one started growing. Many a woman who had scorned her for her barrenness appreciated her.  They knew, for they always know, her husband had scored. BULLS EYE. Many a woman had chided her for inability to give birth. She was the new miracle in the village. It is true that ‘God works in mysterious ways’                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             

The pregnancy was uneventful for it was by the actions of a man of ‘God.’ Her husband was beyond himself in joy. He was, for the first time witnessing and partaking in ‘God’s’ miracles. All days spent fasting and nights of kesha had been answered. Those who knew him noticed a new spring in his stride. At last the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob had heard him. He always knew and now affirmed that, those who believe in ‘God’ shall never want.

She was busy with her non Kivuva related business when her water broke. Being her first time she really did not know what was happening to her. She was working at Mayu’s farm harvesting French beans. She whispered to her neighbour about her predicament. The lady, being a talented woman who had given birth nine times whispered to her,” ni kooka.”  (It’s time)
Before they could lay a solid strategy on how to skive work and get a full day’s pay, the pangs rode in. They rode in mules and donkeys kicking vigorously. She was in unspeakable pain. The women around her new the ways of labour and delivery. If Jesus was born in a cowshed what about this new life? It was nothing new. They created a comfortable banana leaf bed as they waited for the next miracle.

Maria pushed; bit her lower lip, stomached pain, Maria hurt. It was painful; it was the stuff horror feeds on.
At last, the new being landed, crying for all its worth. An experienced woman took the new life in her arms, cut the umbilical cord with her sickle and relaxed. A voice was heard from one of the women, “those ears, that nose… do not belong to her Husband.” Maria smiled for she knew; ‘the man of God’ had opened her womb.




·         Big O is orgasm


RACIAL SEGREGATION AT THE KENYA FERRY SERVICES- MOMBASA

RACIAL SEGREGATION AT THE KENYA FERRY SERVICES- MOMBASA.
jambo,
jambo bwana....
hakuna matataaaa... (Mushrooms 1980)
When I was about to say that we are beating neo-colonization, the ferry service at Mombasa proved me wrong. Some policy makers decided to take us back to the era of colonization, apartheid in South Africa and racial segregation. Unfortunately, this time round it is being perpetuated by black Kenyans against fellow black Kenyans.
So it goes that, the Kenya ferry service at Mombasa has a policy that, white tourists should not queue. Really? In this era? In my black ass Africa? This is an insult to who bore me, who I am and who I will sire.

Quoting this source
This came to the fore during an interview with a local daily paper, the Managing Director of Kenya Ferry Service, Mr Bakari Gowa, said that white tourists are allowed to pass unchecked and even to jump the queue whereas black and local tourists are subjected to checks.
Honestly, for a single second I thought we were equal. Excuse my memory lapse, I meant we were, we are and we will always be equal. The nonsense about some people enjoying some privileges just because of the colour of their skin should be castigated.  Do we need to remind these executives, or else educate them of something they don’t know? A Negro once stood on a podium in a far off land. He knew that the odds were stacked against him but still he had a dream. Dr. Martin Luther King jr had a dream on 08/23/1963 when he spoke of the fact that all men are equal despite the colour of their skins.
I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.
I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.
I have a dream today!
I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of "interposition" and "nullification" -- one day right there in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.
I have a dream today!

Nelson Mandela had these words for those who thought of a superior race.
"Racism is a blight on the human conscience. The idea that any people can be inferior to another, to the point where those who consider themselves superior define and treat the rest as sub-human, denies the humanity even of those who elevate themselves to the status of gods." Address to the UK's Joint Houses of Parliament, July 11, 1996.

As it is, Kenyans, and all the people of the beautiful black Mamba skin will  go on suffering whenever they use the ferry at Likoni. There is a policy that, those of a lighter pigment shall not queue just because the management thinks we’re lesser people. I am giving voice to Wanjiku, Kalekye, Adhiambo, Fatuma,Kadze,Sanaipei  etc
As it is, we have enough problems dealing with tribalism, regionalism and nepotism.
Francis Imbuga once said in his play Betrayal in the city; Mosese:  it was better while we waited now we have nothing to look forward to….
WHO WILL SET THIS RIGHT?
If a person doesn’t want to miss a flight, the answer is simple. Get to the ferry early. For the management, make the systems work efficiently.

nimemaliza

source     http://www.thelyricarchive.com/song/1880405-243436/Jambo-Bwana


Them Mushrooms - Jambo Bwana lyrics



youtube   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kBwp9k0i-3I


Jambo, jambo bwana /
Hello, Hello Mister
Habari gani, mzuri sana /
How are you? Very well.
Tuimbe tucheze sote /
Let us sing, let us all dance
Kiswahili ni lugha ya Africa /
Kiswahili is the language of Africa

Leo tufurahi hakuna matata /
Today let us be happy -- there are no problems
Reggae babu kubwa hakuna matuta /
Reggae is the godfather -- there are no problems

Burudani sali -- hakuna matuta /
The rhythm is good -- there are no problems
Aah tucheze sote -- hakuna matuta /
Aah, let's all dance -- there are no problems

Kiswahili ndlo lugha yetu ya Africa /
Kiswahili is our African language
Upende usipende utapenda kwa hakika /
Like it or not, you must like it
Michael Jackson kaimba Kiswahili /
Michael Jackson sang in Kiswahili
Lionel Richie kamfuata ni wa pili /
Lionel Richie was another one
Mukae vivyo hivyi siku zote kwa amani /
You should keep up that spirit always in peace
Maisha Africa yatakua na thamani /
Life in Africa will be of value

Tuimbe tucheze tuseme Kiswahili /
Let us sing, let us dance, let us speak Swahili
Supu ya uyoga ni tamu kwell kwell /


Monday, 31 October 2016

A young boy's song

A young boy’s song,
 A young boy woke up early,
He hated morning baths,
He hated cold water,
He barely sprinkled it- barely sprinkled it
On his face, stomach and sheens.
He hated the cold water, yet he he asked,
Who am I?


Who am I?
How Will I fit in the society?
Will I ever get true and lasting friends?
Will I ever outgrow my parent’s shadow?
Will I ever find true love?
Who will burry me?

Half asleep,
Barely awake he scurried,
Our lad wore his uniform,
Perfectly smart he was- by the mirror
His pair of shorts inside out.
He had qualms,
He had fears
How Will I fit in the society?




Who am I?
How Will I fit in the society?
Will I ever get true and lasting friends?
Will I ever outgrow my parent’s shadow?
Will I ever find true love?
Who will burry me?


Lunch box in hand,
Sukuma wiki and ugali
Stuffed in a plastic container.
His short pockets bulging,
Pockets weighed down by githeri
Bare feet breaking stones
Our lad went to school.
He was scared, he was lonely
Will I ever get true and lasting friends?

Who am I?
How Will I fit in the society?
Will I ever get true and lasting friends?
Will I ever outgrow my parent’s shadow?
Will I ever find true love?
Who will burry me?






The morning was cold,
His caked feet hurt.
It was misty.
A chilly morning.
He dreamt of a father never had.
Thought of his mother.
Yet he had a question-
Will I ever outgrow my parent’s shadow?


Who am I?
How Will I fit in the society?
Will I ever get true and lasting friends?
Will I ever outgrow my parent’s shadow?
Will I ever find true love?
Who will burry me?

As all young men do,
Young as he was,
His brain frail and fickle.
He dreamt of her,
He wished that she would smile at him,
Smile and smile only at him.
Only if, he was old enough,
If he had known that he was in love, he would have asked,
Will I ever find true love?

Who am I?
How Will I fit in the society?
Will I ever get true and lasting friends?
Will I ever outgrow my parent’s shadow?
Will I ever find true love?
Who will burry me?
Our lad was young,
He had no worries,
He hurt though- they put grannie under the soil.
He hurt terribly, he missed her.
Bad people placed grannie under the soil!
If he had known, if he had our worries,
Only if he hurt like we do.
He would have asked,
Who will bury me?
Who will bury me?

Who am I?
How Will I fit in the society?
Will I ever get true and lasting friends?
Will I ever outgrow my parent’s shadow?
Will I ever find true love?
Who will burry me?



Wednesday, 26 October 2016

we shoul never forget the wagalla massacre or any of injustice. here i quote the star newspaper

In our collective memory, we should never forget the wagalla massacre as well as other injustices.


http://www.the-star.co.ke/news/2016/02/13/chronicles-of-the-wagalla-massacre_c1291874



UNENDING GRIEF: Widows of the victims of the Wagalla Massacre break down at the scene of the massacre during the Truth Justice and Reconciliation Commission hearings of the massacre in Wajir. ‘The Wagalla massacre destroyed a community, changed its social cohesion and placed the burden of regenerating the dead society on the shoulders of widows. This is the worst massacre recorded in Kenyan history.’
UNENDING GRIEF: Widows of the victims of the Wagalla Massacre break down at the scene of the massacre during the Truth Justice and Reconciliation Commission hearings of the massacre in Wajir. ‘The Wagalla massacre destroyed a community, changed its social cohesion and placed the burden of regenerating the dead society on the shoulders of widows. This is the worst massacre recorded in Kenyan history.’
This week marks 32 years since the massacre at the Wagalla Airstrip in what is presently Wajir County. The bloodbath took place over a period of four days beginning on the morning of February 10 and ending on the morning of February 14, 1984 with a stampede and a shootout. All men and boys over the age of 12 years belonging to the Degodia sub-clan of North Eastern Kenya, were rounded up and detained at a newly constructed airstrip in Wagalla, nine miles from Wajir town.
According to Analenna Toneli, 1000 people were killed, but to various community groups, the number was closer to 5000. The Wagalla massacre destroyed a community, changed its social cohesion and placed the burden of regenerating the dead society on the shoulders of widows. This is the worst massacre recorded in Kenyan history. There were other massacres in Garissa, Turbi and Malka Marri but Wagalla remains one of the classic examples of a state run amok and genocidal intentions of a government too inept to exert any meaningful control over the security of its citizens.
Facts and figures of the Wagalla massacre are now etched into the fabric of the history of Kenya. What is probably unknown is that this massacre was a premeditated act of genocide, not a military operation gone wrong. It began at policy level.
It all started with a high level cabinet committee meeting at Harambee House, where the political idea justifying a massacre was mooted. There are no details that emerged from this meeting, no minutes or reports. Even the efforts of the TJRC did not unearth what policy prescriptions were discussed that initiated a process that culminated in the death of so many people. Sources confirm that a meeting took place at Harambee House, in which security issues concerning Wajir were discussed, and that orders were given to the Provincial Security Committee in Garissa to initiate a security operation against a small Somali sub-clan living in Wajir District.
Timing, strategy and resources
The meeting gave authorisation, but the timing, strategy and resources were left to the Provincial Security Committee led by Benson Kaaria who was the PC of North Eastern Province at the time. This committee authorised the District Security Committee to prepare the ground for the military operation. The District Commissioner at the time, J.P. Matui, was on leave. In the available documents and in his own testimony at the TJRC, the acting DC Mr. M.M Tiema, appears to have been used to achieve a predetermined objective.
The final order for the operation was given on February 8, 1984. This was at a meeting held in Wajir by the Kenya Intelligence Committee. The District Security Committee and the Provincial Security Committee were in attendance. This meeting was the crucial source of authority to undertake the major security operation that followed.
The military began on February 10 with, according to Etemesi Report, a signal from the P.P.O of Garissa that read:
“All Degodias plus stock in Griftu Division plus adjacent divisions will be rounded-up and will be treated mercilessly. No mercy will be exercised. You will get more instructions from this HQ in another two days’ time. No nonsense will be accepted. Further instructions will follow on the relief of the stock. Report progress daily”
On that day the military moved into all areas occupied by the Degodia sub-clan and implemented their orders. The Commander of the operation was Major Mudogo. According to the Etemesi Report, the operation had no written “Operational Procedures”. In layman language, the military operation had no rules or limits and the security forces were given a blank order to run riot. And run riot they did. They started detaining people at four o’clock in the morning from all areas in North Eastern and Eastern Kenya. The military was assisted to identify their targets by KANU youth wingers, some from the targeted community.