Kivuva ate the apple
Kivuva our pastor
bitterly enjoyed the day he was with Maria. It is Maria the usher who had
calloused palms. It was the turning point of his life. He had crossed over to a
world of pleasure he had not known existed. The memories of that day haunted
him every day. The memories literary drove him crazy. Kivuva the pious pastor
had discovered a new realm. It was a place of ecstasy and perpetual bliss. The
day with Maria changed him.
This particular Sunday,
he walked to the pulpit ready to preach. He looked at the lost sheep waiting
for their shepherd. He saw the disillusionment plastered on their faces and
understood their pain and sorrow. On the pews-according to his assessment- was
a flock that needed encouragement. He
proceeded with his sermon with gusto. He preached hope, he preached salvation,
condemned sin, preached heaven and prophesied hell and the tribulations it
held, for was a man of God.
Kivuva had tasted and
there was no stopping him. As he preached of the bliss of heaven and its golden
mansions, his roving eye landed on her. Maria, Maria (not Mary mother of Jesus)
in her glamour and calloused palms
looked at him and smiled. He was a lost man. He forgot the sermon; he forgot
the lines of a meticulously prepared sermon. Kivuva stammered,
“ he…He…heaven is for the chosen few w... w…
who hearken to the word a… a… and abide by it.” The flock of sheep cheered
and chorused to man alleluyah! They swam to the realm of pearly gates and saw
Saint Peter in their dreams. ( I am not sure whether he had a tablet or the old
fashioned register…) Kivuva is a very cunning guy. He summarized the sermon and
retreated to his office.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Maria of the calloused
palms walked in to consult the man of God. Her blow dried hair simply made her
look like she had a porcupine above her neck. But to the man of God, She was
Maria. Maria of the Calloused palms. Her ankle length gown had seen better
days. It was a gift from her cousin December 2001. As she raised her hand he
noticed her unshaven armpits, (it was three months since she shaved) and fell
in love with the shrubs. He walked gingerly to the door and closed it. Next he
drew the curtains. The privacy was heaven befell them.
In not so many words,
they let go. Maria was Kivuva and Kivuva was Maria. Their bodies sang the Song
of Songs (songs of Solomon) and liked it. King David’s harp played along while
Uriah was at battle. The garden of Eden they found. It was bliss, it was pleasure,
it was ecstasy, it was enchanting, and it was wow. They rode on golden horses
and conquered castles.
They were surfing the
big waves when he knocked. Back to planet earth. Why, why,. Why,.. had
Kivuva not locked the door? Maria’s
husband walked in They froze. They were deeply swallowed in this wave of shock
and despair. It was a tremor of shock.
“habari ya mchugaji?” To
the utter shock of the duo he asked.
Kivuva is a cunning
guy.
He retorted, “maria
aliniambia ako na shida ya uzazi. Nilikua najaribu kufungua hio njia ndipo
apate mtoto.”
Maria’s husband looked
at Pastor Kivuva in awe and then said, “Ukweli, pastor umejua. We need Mtoto.
Mfungulie neema yote ya bwana”
A sigh of relief ! Kivuvuva
is another one. Kivuvuva is
cunning and his flock followers love him
to bits.
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